Chapter 10

Chapter 10 – The Preeminence of (Identity in) Christ

Cleveland does a great job wrapping the book up in this final chapter. She uses it as an opportunity to bring in a variety of ideas from past chapters in relation to her final points. One of the key points she made throughout the book that I was able to take away from it is the fact that it is extremely difficult for Christians to step out of their comfort zone and break from the patterns they are used to. I have been able to better understand this idea that our identities and cultures are too small and we need to work on acknowledging our greatest common denominator, God. He is what brings each and every one of us together with a common identity in Him. Cleveland states that “Christian groups who hope to attract more diverse members continue to idolize their smaller cultural identity.” She isn’t wrong in saying this. I can agree that while I or my church continues to reach out and continue growing in a diversified manner, we also continue to group up and find our “common identities”. This is eliminating and harming the idea of expansion and we need to begin using that word, We! Becoming a we creates a common ground.  We naturally like others much more, we become more open to receiving helpful criticism from others, we forgive more easily and are less likely to expect others to experience collective guilt, our diversity initiatives begin to work, we treat each other better, and so many more positive benefits follow. The concept of we and we together with our common identity in Christ is huge. I hope that this can be a lesson to all individuals as we expand and become a diversified church, we step back from our groups and become a We!

Chapters 8 & 9

Chapter 8 –

I could relate to many aspects of this chapter; however, it was the first couple of pages that really stood out to me. It began by discussing a professor at a Christian college and how whatever he believed was “right,” was “right.” This stood out to me on a unique level. I not only came from a public school to Dordt but I also have only ever known what it means to be Lutheran or Baptist. The Reformed religion at Dordt College was a big step for me. I was not quite sure what to expect but the first couple of months were extremely difficult. There was one course in particular that really got my gears grinding and made me wonder who was really “right” in the given situations. The professor made themselves out to be correct and then would finish everything with “if you’re Reformed.” This irritated me as a Lutheran because I knew a few differences were there but never saw them as major and this professor made it out to be right verses wrong and not something that could go either one way or another. Just as Cleveland stated, “consider the theological differences.” This is extremely important, especially in my case as I was on the edge, calling my parents and pastor weekly and considered transferring throughout that semester. When it comes to many things including theology, assumptions should not simply be made but rather acknowledged and discussed properly.  

Chapter 9 –

I had many thoughts passing through my mind as I read through this chapter. Cross cultural contact can be awkward or difficult for some people to come by as it is instinct to categorize each other. However, it can be extremely beneficial for all individuals involved. The summer before my freshman year at Dordt, I constantly checked online to see who my roommates would be and if I could get in contact with them prior to school starting. Once I was in contact with two of them for over a month, another student was added to our room. This student was from South Korea. While I had interacted with my exchange students in my high school, I had never met a student from South Korea. This scared me and made me wonder who I could compare her to. Then, I got here and I met her. It was great, we became very good friends and I spent a lot of time with many of the students from South Korea and the Philippines. I was thanked many times for helping them learn about the American culture and give them that support as they found there way around a place that is so unknown and confusing to their culture. For me it was just as well a whole new world and learning experience. I believe this diversified cultural interaction helped me grow as an individual and view those with unique backgrounds and cultures much differently. 

Chapters 6 & 7

Chapter 6 –

The reality that Cleveland hits on within this book continues to dig deeper and it is a scary thought some of the things that not only others do but I do as well. It is difficult and even shameful to admit the truths she covers and the fact that I can unfortunately say I have done every piece she discusses. Cleveland covers self-biases and how we partake in activities which make us shine. She isn’t wrong here. I know for a fact that more times than not I am much more willing to get others to do activities with me that I perform well at. While these tend to be activities that I enjoy or love, looking back I know that this has been a self-esteem boost for me when others don’t do as well as I can. Yet, that is where the bias comes in. We perceive ourselves as being better many times and if we fail we find something wrong with another that brings us right back up. So, we are either great or the another is terrible. It’s a win, win situation that we deal with in all walks of life unfortunately. How do we overcome this, putting others down to bring ourselves up? Cleveland mentions simply affirming ourselves. No matter if it is unrelated to whatever is being threatened and bringing you down, this still results in a self-esteem boost. I believe it is even more important as we grow and mature that we find other ways to boost our self-esteem. We are all one in Jesus Christ and no matter our biases, it is important to find that unity amongst each other and not drag others down for our own benefit.

Chapter 7 –

Shifting over from self-esteem and self-biases over to a group setting, Cleveland uses some great examples to prove that something such as football or a kid’s camp can turn into something very different rather quickly. While the two football teams had football between them and the kid’s at camp didn’t even know each other, both scenarios started as “groups who have no history of negative interaction” and transformed into “antagonistic when the goals became important enough.” These situations are noticeable in many aspects not only here at college but also growing up, elementary through high school. It is especially noticeable in athletics, however, in many competitions it has been apparent to me. We lose sight of what really matters and start doing whatever we can to bring the opposing group down simply because “we are better”. This is true in the Church just the same. Coming to a Reformed school and growing up Lutheran, I have noticed a considerable amount of flack being pushed towards me. Just the same, I have noticed that the minorities here whether that be Lutheran, Baptist, Catholic, Non-Denominational and so on have pushed right back. We are all one in Christ! Yet, we hold ourselves, our groups, or in this case, our denomination above the others. We make it out as though we are the golden standard and others are wrong or below us. Cleveland asks the question, “what now?” Well, how do we define “we”? Why do “we” limit ourselves and categorize ourselves? This brings us back to her first few chapters, it is difficult to overcome but integration and diversifying “our” groups is a step that should be taken. This will further allow us to bring about an inclusive identity and understand that other groups can help us. We must first allow ourselves to open up and receive critical information and change ourselves, creating a common membership in Christ. 

Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – Running for Cover:  

Cleveland is really hitting the spot with this book. She continues to build off herself as the book continues. This chapter wrapped the previous four chapters altogether in a way that explained how each piece affects how we perceive ourselves. As Cleveland discussed self-esteem and the bits and pieces which go into how we view ourselves or how we believe others view us, the affects of thoughtless situations began to shine through. I really enjoyed a quote in the book from John Eldredge and Brent Curtis which read, “Your evaluation of your soul, which is drawn from a world filled with people still terribly confused about the nature of their souls, is probably wrong.” This quote was utilized very well within the chapter. The problem is that from a very young age, while we appreciated the praise and affirmation from those around us, those things did not stick with us. We begin to hold onto the negatives and let those affect us. This harms our self-image and identity. By surrounding ourselves with others who affirm who we are, they too can help us to defend those negative assaults that have stuck with us and we are holding onto. Just as individuals can have a low self-esteem, they can have a high self-esteem. This too is not a good situation. The book used the example of teams, “if we perceive that we are better than our fellow group members, we are more likely to want to upgrade to a higher-status group. Both situations are prevalent in the Church. This hinders the body of Christ. When it becomes more important for us as individuals to feel good about ourselves and less important to embrace others who are members of the body of Christ. We are not living our lives to glorify God. It is very difficult to find that happy medium, however, it is important to do so. Our experiences and what we have heard or been told from a very young age has shaped who we are today. Those with negative experiences that have brought them down and those with positive experiences that have lifted them far above being humble, I hope that all individuals can be brought to a level in the middle. This can assist us in making sure that Christ is the center of it all. 

Chapters 3 & 4

Chapter 3 – Divisions Erected Out of Thin Air:  

In this chapter, Cleveland speaks about categorizing people as helpful. She states, “categorizing helps us all to process information in an energy-efficient way.” As she continues on with this section she discusses how spending time in a different culture can be stressful because we do not know the social cues. I can agree with this, no doubt. An example would be my freshman year, I was rooming with an international student here on campus. This student was from South Korea and as we were roommates, we spent quite a bit of time together, getting to know each other and understanding each-others cultures. While I didn’t necessarily feel stressed, I felt very uncomfortable at times. Two examples for instance; one, she made me some Korean food one day and was very worried that I hated it because I was not making a slurping sound. This made her uncomfortable because the slurping sound is a sign that it tastes good. At the same time it made me uncomfortable because as she slurped away all that ran through my mind was how noisy and annoying the sound was. This is a difference in cultures. The other example would be when I brought both her and another international student home with me over thanksgiving my freshman year. While I was slowly learning their culture, my family knew nothing. We encountered many uncomfortable situations where the girls would want to sleep all the time and made us late to each of the family events. They had it in the back of their mind that being late was a good thing, show up late and leave late, they thought. However, that isn’t how my family goes about things. While this is just some minor examples, I can see where Cleveland is coming from by saying that categorizing helps. It has helped me interact with other international students and have positive outcomes from the experiences and I am much more comfortable now. However, just as Cleveland said that categorizing helps, it can also hurt. Just as well, categorizing the international students has hurt me. I started to assume that all of the Asian students spoke Korean and had the same cultures. That is not true at all, they are all from different places such as the Philippines and Thailand. They do not all speak Korean and they do not all have the same culture. While categorizing these students was helpful in times, it also put me in awkward situations when I assumed they would be like my roommate. If you have ever spoken Korean to a student from the Philippines, you might understand where I am coming from. Taking that one step further, on a larger scale with all students attending Dordt, categorizing them as believers and knowing God can hurt not only us but them as well. I assumed my roommate knew and believed in God, I came to find out that I was wrong. Some students come to Dordt to learn and hear for themselves about God. Assuming everyone believes is cutting those that do not believe short. This is where categorizing hurts. However, this has allowed me to be better about not categorizing based on something such as religion but instead recognizing others as fellow members of the body of Christ. While categorizing seems to come natural at times, I think in the long run it is best not to and to instead get to know people on an individual basis.

Chapter 4 – Beyond Perceptions:

 Getting into this chapter the piece that stood out to me the most was Cleveland’s description of the gold standard. We create perceptions of ourselves and of other groups which affect how we interact with others. We pick out the differences between ourselves and others and tend to exaggerate them. So, why do we do this? Is it because of the familiarity Cleveland discussed in the previous chapters? While I wish I could say I have not done these things before, I know that cannot be said. Creating these perceptions and pinpointing differences has hindered how I interact with others. Leading right back to categorization, I have a tendency to group others together and make assumptions. Just the other day some of my friends and I were having a discussion about religions. I grew up Lutheran and the others in the discussion are all reformed. We talked about the differences between Christian Reformed and Reformed and then moved onto Lutheran. Cleveland mentioned communion in the book and this conversation came to mind. My home church does communion on a weekly basis. This came up in our conversation and they made a comment about my church being closely related to the Catholic’s because of how we do communion. I responded in a bit of a defensive matter as my best friend back home is Catholic and we have picked out differences before but never the way we “do” communion. However, in reading this chapter, Cleveland really made me think about this conversation and how it was natural in a sense for them to set a category or gold standard for themselves based on a practice. I realize that this is done much more often than we may think. So, why do we do it?

Chapters 1 & 2

Chapter 1 – Right Christian, Wrong Christian:

As Christena opens the book with a description of an individual she is bothered by, she begins to categorize those individuals that she meets. Following the title of the chapter, she explains the right Christians and the wrong Christians. She sorted out the “Bens” and avoided them at all costs. Yet, just before this she explained her walk with God and how everyone is family and none of the details mattered under God. Somehow her growth in Christ changed along the way. This is not at all unusual. I have talked to individuals who have also had changes and different experiences which have affected their growth in Jesus Christ, I too have had bumps in the road. While Christena should not have been dividing people up into right and wrong, I think this is something that happens more often than we think. Within each denomination, Christians have different thoughts or views. So, which is right? We can each argue for our denomination and say that others are wrong but where is the line drawn? Is there truly a right and a wrong? Christena continued by describing this right and wrong, putting herself in the seat of the right Christian. Matthew 7:1-5 tells us not to judge others. While I appreciated, that Christena realized that “many of us carry our own descriptions of Right Christian and Wrong Christian,” who are we to judge others?

Towards the end of chapter 1 there was a section on a young man, Sam, whom Christena became close friends with. Halfway through the summer with him, Christena realized he did not know she was a Christian. This made me think about my friends, at a Christian school, everyone assumes that we are all Christians. However, I went to a public high school and I now wonder how long did it take people to realize that I was a Christian? While all of my friends knew, I am sure there are many students at the school who did not know which students were Christians. This sort of scares me and makes me question what difference the Christians in my school, including myself, could have made on those individuals who don’t know Christ. Back to the book, Sam’s response to finding out Christena is a Christian came as a shock. He was not thrilled at all. He had a completely different perspective on what it means to be a Christian. How many other individuals have this same or similar false perspective?

Chapter 2 – How Divisions Aare Killing Us And Why We Should Care

Moving into the second chapter, Christena hit on a point that stood out to me very much. She said how we support diversity and inequality and yet we are found sticking to what we know and not venturing out. I could not agree with her more on this. I whole heartedly believe that integration is a great thing. However, I always find myself doing homework and spending time with other white females and males which often have the same or similar major as I do. It is not something do on purpose it is merely how we congregate. I would argue I am not alone here, if you take a look at students in apartments here on Dordt’s campus, students congregate. You find rooms of ag majors, education majors, rooms of all African Americans or Koreans, further yet, the athletes tend to do just the same. We get stuck in a rut and do not want to venture out.

One last piece that stood out to me was the idea of affirmation. When others like my ideas, agree with me, or have similar beliefs, I feel much more comfortable and relatable. Experiences like these and affirmation bring people together in such a way that it is what we become used to. I enjoy the unity that is formed by these ideas which Christena discusses. Through familiarity and affirmation, bonds are formed in a great way. Yet, while this is an experience for all, it makes it that much harder for individuals to step out of that comfort zone and embrace the difference amongst others around us.